Rubicon

The Rubicon was the name of a little stream with huge significance.   It marked the border between the will the General Julius Caesar and that of the Roman Empire.   Rome had recalled Caesar from his military conquest to come back to Rome without his army.   It didn’t take much for the power hungry general to convince his adoring army to come with him back to Rome to defend his honour.  With the crossing of the Rubicon Caesar joined the notorious group of generals who turned the Roman army against Rome.  Therefore, the Rubicon has become a historical boundary that signified “the point of no return.”   Once Caesar and his army went past that little stream, his imperialistic intentions were crystal clear.

There are times when we all approach our Rubicons and we are forced to make a decision whether or not to cross…   But what happens when the Rubicon comes to you when you’re standing still?   The death of my sister from cancer (earlier this year) was my own personal Rubicon.  It came to me, and I was forced to cross.

A lot of my life systems came “off line”, and to a grinding stop.   Family routine, work life and ministry function all became collateral damage of this personally unprecedented event.   When time started moving again family routine commenced – my kid’s lives needed to get back to normal.   I returned back to work after some time off – I needed my income.   However, ministry function seemed to fizzle like sails without a whisper of wind.

However in reality, although things seemed to be slowly getting “back to normal”, there was nothing normal about it.   I felt impatient with my family, unmotivated at work, and still ministry appeared shell shocked.

So, what is a man to do when he faces life shaking events?  I thought that perhaps I needed someone to talk with…

Before deciding to see a professional counselor, I was surprised at how my own cultural, male and spiritual biases pushed back at me.  As someone from a Caribbean background, how could I talk “my business” to a complete stranger and further more pay a decent amount of money to do it!?  (When the counselor asked, “What brought me here?”  I felt like saying, “Not my health coverage!”) 

Spiritually, I wrestled with the (mistaken) notion; Aren’t you suppose to “pray it through”?  Isn’t it just supposed to be between you and God?   As a man, how could I possibly be so vulnerable and “share my feelings”?  Isn’t that so… weak?  Shouldn’t I already have it figured out?  Regardless, I ignored those questions because, well…mental health is…health.  Besides, how could I be the man God wants me to be if I wasn’t firing on all cylinders?

So, a man has got to do what a man has got to do…

Amidst the push back from my own cultural, spiritual, and male biases…  I did see a counselor a few times.  Do you know what?  I’ve not regretted it.  Proverbs 11:14 says, “in a multitude of counselors there is safety”, and that reality has never been more true to me as it is now.

Advertisements

“All men watch porn and it is not bad for them”

“All men watch porn, and it is not bad for them”

This is the name of the article written by a Montreal university professor based on his two year research study.

I’m not even sure where to begin…  The only remotely positive thing I can see this article doing is perhaps attempting to reduce authentic guilt some men may have with this addiction, and that’s hardly positive at all.

Assuming that he interviewed mostly university students, the short article paints many “matter- of- fact” arguments as facts… (and I quote)

“…his research had refuted views that pornography enthusiasts seek out in life what they see in X-rated videos, leading to sexual abuse or denigration of women.

“It would be like saying that vodka ads lead to alcoholism,” the sociologist said.

The author further “…dismissed suggestions that avid pornography enthusiasts seek to imitate in life what they see on screens, or that they watch X-rated videos in an attempt to purge vile sexual impulses.

“Both arguments are worthless,” he said.   Men make a distinction between their real lives and sexual fantasies…”

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/all-men-watch-porn-and-it-is-not-bad-for-them-1833949.html

This is what passes as a internet “hit” on Men’s Health.

There is a “Focus on the Family” article that takes another view on this topic and points out the dangers of this addiction.

“Not everyone who sees porn will become addicted to it. Some will just come away with toxic ideas about women, sex, marriage and children. That kind of damage is bad enough. And porn isn’t the only ingredient in addiction. Usually, those who become addicted have some kind of emotional opening that allows the addiction to really take root.”

Also interesting, as this short article continues, is the “Five Stages of Addiction” – early exposure, addiction, escalation, desensitization and acting out sexually.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/love_and_sex/pornography.aspx

Read both the articles.  Read what the Bible says.

 

We shirk our moral responsibility and family responsibility when we start an affair with pornography.  I told my son that pornography is like a handcuff.  I believe this.

All men don’t watch porn, and it’s not good for them.