Whose Your Daddy?

As a man,  your greatest testimony is probably not so much what your neighbor,  work colleague,  or church brethren surmise.   I believe it lies in what your family concludes about you as a father or a husband.   That’s where the ‘rubber hits the road’ for compassion,  grace,  and spiritual consistency.  This is where at your weakest, the strength of the Saviour must shine through.

It’s not to say that we are to required to be perfect humans,  but family life is an opportunity for the Lord to make up the slack, and our character shortfalls.   We should reiterate -like the bridge in the song “Lead Me” by Sanctus Real…  “Father, lead me with strong hands so I can lead them…”   (Check out this link to a real man song!)   Sanctus Real “Lead Me”

My mind always goes back to step-father Joseph.   Can you imagine how his son (Jesus) felt,  knowing that His  dad stood by His mother (when any self-respecting Jewish man would have bailed from that relationship -with far less soul searching)?  He chose to listen to God,  and loved Mary as his own flesh.   Joseph was kind,  compassionate and not a jerk.

He was also an individual of sexual integrity.   In Matthew 1:25, the Bible tells us that he did not consummate their marriage till after Jesus was born.  His desires did not flounder in the swamp of selfishness,  which as men we’ve all struggled to free ourselves – present company included.   He chose first Mary’s physiological and psychological well being and deeply respected God’s mysterious will.  Men,  we could take a page from Joseph’s book.

This New Year,  even though our children may not be members of the Trinity,  and our wives’ names don’t rhyme with “airy”,  let’s strive to live a testimony to the people whom we can most effectively influence to create a lasting, positive legacy.  Let’s be the kind of Daddy and Husband God wants us to be!

Happy New year,  and may you abide in redemptive peace and spiritual prosperity.

Sexual Integrity

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only (Christian) guy to have struggled with lust, and the only guy (even now) that needs to be careful of what is consumed (lest it leads to places of failure).

 

Of all the men and young men I’ve talked and mentored; only one has ever actually flat out admitted that he struggled with pornography.  (I’m reasonably certain he’s not the only one…)  When I was  younger and and attended University, it was a continual challenge to avoid watching stuff that was lustful and contained nudity.  Yet, today young men and men (Christians) put on a façade as if those struggles don’t really exist.

 

Maybe in our collective minds men (in our modern context) have redefined pornography to include only that which is “XXX” rated, but “soft porn” (a classification that’s highly deceptive), and general nudity is acceptable…  Also, maybe that part of our lives (our hidden habits) are too taboo… too shameful…   It’s just too uncomfortable to let someone else know what really goes on behind our scenes…

But take comfort!  The Bible doesn’t seem to shy away from sexual issues.  Actually there are some rather explicit scriptures that are definitely not read Sunday mornings, and are liable to make the most seasoned congregation blush!  Take for example Genesis 38.  It narrates a series bizarre circumstances of sexual exploits, but that nevertheless highlights important lessons on sexual integrity.

Genesis 38 starts out with the main character Judah (one of the 12 sons of Israel) departing from his familiar environment, and then initiates a sexual relationship with a foreign woman.  (I really have to wonder if he married for sex, because almost in the same sentence it says that he got married and had sex.  Read chapter 38 verse 2 and see if you get the same feel.)

Anyway, his wife conceives three times and Judah then has three sons.  In a somewhat “Klingon-like” fashion, the Bible states that ‘son number one’ was wicked “so the Lord put him to death.”  (NIV)  So now Tamar, the wife that Judah had selected for his first son, suddenly became a widow.

The custom at that time was to keep the family in the family, therefore a male sibling was encouraged to marry his brother’s widow.  However, the second son died also (at the hand of the Lord) because…well… he preferred to just have sex, rather than to be fully committed in the process of family responsibility and continuity.  (Read chp 38:9-10 for more clarity.)  He was selfish.  He felt that any child he would have had with Tamar would not be his, therefore he took the necessary steps to make sure she would not get pregnant…

 

[Sidebar: Guys… sexual integrity matters outside and inside marriage.  God was clearly displeased with son number two and punished him with death.  God does not approve of selfishness, sexual integrity matters.]

 

Fast forward… Judah’s wife eventually dies.  Tamar is still a widow (her biological clock, by the way, is still ticking…)  Son number three is still available.

 

I think that what happens next in the narrative highlights this lesson; The lack of sexual restraint leads to complicated problems.

Judah goes to “Young Street” and solicits sex with a prostitute or a “harlot” -that’s the term mentioned in the Bible.   It is interesting to observe the anonymity surrounding sexual dysfunction.    I’m not sure if all prostitutes wore veils, but this one did.  Judah didn’t care what she looked like, he was willing to buy sex, and she was willing to gain from it.  As a matter of fact his friend (Aullimite) acts kind of like a “john” because Judah sends him (after it was all over) to go and make payment.

Now I’m not sure what the time frame was between his wife’s death and his marketplace sexual encounter.  Perhaps Judah’s mental state may have been saturated in loss and grief, and we know that poor sexual choices are definitely made in periods of emotional confusion and vulnerability.  However, the “payment” is always worth more than the experience.  Specifically, in this context, the Bible said that she wanted Judah’s “signet and chord and staff”, which were essential elements of his familial and social identity.

 

By the way, (surprise, surprise) it turns out the “harlot” was his daughter-in-law Tamar.   Yes.  Judah had sexual relationships with his sons’ wife.  (Yuck!)

Let’s pause at this cliff hanger…

Joseph… A Mid-wife?

I was reflecting and thinking about Joseph from the New Testament.  By the way he was a wonderful step-father and a committed man of God who was filled with integrity.

So the story goes that Mary and Joseph couldn’t even get a room, and they ended up camping out in a stable or cave, or something like that.

Now the Bible doesn’t specifically say this, but I have to believe that Joseph helped in the delivery of his step-son Jesus.  Joseph was perhaps the New Testament’s first male mid-wife!  (That kind of involvement in family life for a man in that culture and that time period would have been unheard of.)

I know that the Bible doesn’t say it specifically, but it also didn’t say that some other midwife, or female help in this delivery.  Could Mary have done it all by herself?  That is unlikely.  I was present at the birth of all 4 of my children, and even though my wife is amazing she (like any other woman) needed an extra hand in delivering our children.  (A hand…and maybe some oxytocin…)

 

When you think about it, if Joseph was a participant in this delivery, it speaks to something incredible in regards to the role of men in their families that goes beyond provider and protector.   It reflects on men being present for any aspect of family life.  (No matter if it’s perceived as “feminine” or “women’s work”.)  I think we can accept the importance of men taking on more responsibility in the home.

 

I was considering how Joseph could embody our identity as modern men in this generation.  Men of this generation (from what I’ve seen) partner with our spouses in taking care of the home and the children.  We do so in a way that has been in stark contrast with our predecessors from the 1950’s and even the 1960’s.  (So ladies, cut us some slack…sometimes!)

 

So whatever, and however God desires us to participate in, and partner with our spouses in our home and families, as men we need to do it as the will of God.  It may be delivering a child (hopefully not) or making their lunches.  We are a new kind of men in today’s society, today’s generation.

(If you’re not married, take notes.)

One more thing, Joseph was a man of sexual integrity, and I deeply admire that about him.   He never touched Mary (sexually – till after the birth of Jesus), and it was not because he was commanded not to, but he put his own desires behind the well being of his wife and God’s plan.  (Men, we won’t die if we don’t have sex.)

Speaking of sexual integrity, next time I want to talk about what the Bible says about sexual integrity through scriptures you have never heard read on Sunday morning…  Trust me, I’m telling you the truth.  (Try Genesis 38 for size…)